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...................Saturday 7/29/06

Reading a book by Gunilla Norris called "A Mystic Garden"...

Not a gardener by any stretch of the word, but I am enamored of the IDEA of gardening...

Anyway, I'm going to write down some of the things that strike me from this book because already there are a few things. It is written in the order of the Seasons. I'm still in Winter...

p.15 Continuing to ask questions is a way for the mind to make itself important, to pretend it has control. Let go. You are dying daily...

p.27 With or without your hard work, God is always moving in your life. Wait on the Holy. Wait and receive the gifts that come.

p. 38 Acknowledging our stubborn, hidden layers is humbling. Long-held attitudes of isolation, self-pity, resentment, regret, and despair come to the surface. They lie scattered like heavy stones all around us. We are broken. We are clay. Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk once said: Nothing is more whole than a broken heart".

p.63 Can you trust that out of chaos comes the new? Order and beauty have fooled many.

p.94 To lie fallow is a gift. We don't really know how to do it. Rather we are done by it or undone by it.

.................Thursday, 7/20/06

Haven't written in a while. I am tired though. I was away this past weekend, visiting friends in PENNSYLVANIA and it was so much fun, so grand! Seeing old friends, laughing, goofing around, talking serious... all ends of the spectrum.

I will try to write more later.

T fell asleep about 1/2 an hour ago. He must be exhausted. I changed him into PJs while he was asleep. I hope he goes thru the night. I have to get some more work done, maybe do my bills. I rented two videos, maybe watch those. We'll see...

Just so long as I don't start one of the videos and just SIT THERE AND WATCH IT. I've been doing that too much lately. I know there's a trend now to NOT multitask, to focus on what you're doing, but you know? TV watching does NOT have to be passive. I have too many damn things to do to continue VEGGING LIKE THAT. Enough is enough, hello?

...............Wednesday 7/12/06

Found this somewhere... thought it was pretty damn cool. I felt proud checking off the states I'd visited... but now that I see the map, I feel pretty Northeasterly top-heavy, no? What's with the blanks in the whole Central US? I only hit Nevada last year. I always tell people I've only been 1/2 way across---Michigan and Oklahoma. I did DRIVE to Michigan though!

Oh well, one of these days I'll be putting in more red. Hopefully in an RV with my little T... dreams!



create your own personalized map of the USA

.........................Sunday 7/9/06

BOY what a weekend! An awesome one! I didn't bring my camera with me anywhere so I don't have any pictures to document it but you know what, the memories of this weekend are IN MY HEART and that is enough!

Where to start?

T and I (I'm going to start referring to my little guy as T now, for simplicity's sake) went to my friend Doris' house. She lives an hour away in Westchester County. She and her son J are buddies. They are a month apart.

She and J were at our house for a playdate last week and then last Saturday we went to her house for a pre-4th of July BBQ, both times at which J and T hit it off royally. So when she invited us back, I said what the hell? Let's go!

So of we went, at noon on Saturday. We were supposed to BE there at noon, but you know me, I can never get my ass out the door on time anymore. We sped down the highway and made it in exactly one hour with no backtracking! This is now the SECOND time I have made it to her house without getting lost, yippee!

J was napping when we showed up but shortly thereafter we went to 'the lake'. Now, Doris talks about the lake all the time but I didn't know what to expect. We followed her truck down the road about 1/4 of a mile, turned right, and then shortly thereafter turned left again into what looked like a shortcut thru the woods. At the end of a narrow gravel path, we drove into a clearing and THERE WAS THE LAKE! Surrounded by greener than green trees, and with a sandy beach besides!

J was still groggy from his nap and wasn't ready to play yet, so T got started with helping an older boy dig out some sand to build a 'turtle' out of sand. They never did finish it but he was very engrossed with his little shovel beside the 'big boy'. Then he and J went in the water, so cute! T showed no fear! Eventually we had swimmies on his arm and Doris took him out more and he was floating on his stomach with his legs stretched out behind him... just floating around like it was the most natural thing to do! It was AMAZING!!!!

When we left, both boys didn't fuss---they seemed ready after hours in the sun and water, to play indoors for a bit. But that didn't last. J decided he wanted to jump in the pool, and T was ready too! So on go the swimmies again, and into the pool he goes. The whole family was in the pool---naturally I sat along the side like the big wuss I am!

And here is where T just amazed me. Just last weekend he was fearful and wouldn't let anyone who would hold him in the water let him go. THIS time he was telling Doris "I do myself" and he would do a little jump from the pool steps into the water, the swimmies and a floaty-ring making him buoyant. He sat in the little floating boat and also this rafty thing, leaning over to pick up rubber duckies and such.. He was having such a good time.

It was hard to finally get him to leave after. We did go back indoors and each had a hotdog... I finally had to mention the word "choopie" (pacifier) and that was enough to get him to comply with my entreaty to leave... We didn't leave til 7 as it was!!!

Today we went to church for 11 and he was very well-behaved. It looked so nice out when we left that I threw some beach paraphenalia in the car for after---and that's where we headed. We were there from 12:30 to 4:00!!! The tide was slowly going out and T was in his glory---he built volcanoes and towers, then we ran along the shore jumping the waves, then he made tracks in the sand left wet from the tide, and then he said he wanted to play with these two boys that were digging a big hole.. He wanted to so badly, you could tell, so I walked over there with him and as I did with the 'big boy' digging the turtle Saturday, I 'introduced' him to the bigger boys (probably about 5 and 11) and asked them if Tim could 'help'. I'm always amazed when the kids say Yes! So down he went to 'help' and he did that til those boys had to leave..

All in all, I know we had full happy days out in the sunshine and fresh air. It was wonderful!

On the way home today we got ice cream cones, then I ran in to order pizza to be delivered... we sped home and I ran a bath for T. He was in the tub when the pizza arrived. I dressed him and then I jumped in the shower---after which the pizza was the perfect temp. We ate it at the dining room table together and then we watched Madagascar in my room.. after which, at 7, I lay down with him in his room to say our prayers, and he fell asleep.

A glorious exhausted sleep I'd gather!

And now I have to go get ready for work tomorrow. Good night!

Grateful Friday

See that little boy up there? That image should suffice for my Grateful Friday list.

He is the one right thing I've done in my life.

I just wish I could be consistent and do right by him. Why do I get so impatient?

Anyway, that's not a Grateful Friday list. Here's my list:

1. That I have this sweet little boy in my life everyday
2. That I get to wake up and look into those deep brown innocent eyes
3. the beautiful sunny day we had today with no humidity
4. the soft rolling waves as the tide moved in at the beach this evening
5. the pink in the clouds as the sun set
6. peach shakes
7. my mom and aunt arriving safely in Atlanta this morning
8. the consistency of my job
9. finding a hotel room in PA for next weekend---when the first two places I called were all booked
10. that I kept my integrity intact today when DH was being annoying and trying to get me mad; I was mad but I stayed in control

..................Friday, 7/7/06

10 Favorites

Favorite season~ autumn
Favorite color~ pink
Favorite time~ very late at night when everyone is sleeping, although I do like daybreak a lot too
Favorite food~ pastina with butter: comfort food
Favorite drink~ hot orange pekoe tea with 2 TB sugar and a tiny tiny drop of milk
Favorite ice cream~ peach
Favorite place~ any beach
Favorite sport~ basketball, but I also like to watch rowing
Favorite actor~ Hugh Grant, Robert Redford
Favorite actress~ Elizabeth Perkins, Meryl Streep

9 Currents

Current feeling~ tired with a headache and my shoulders hurt
Current drink~ a peach shake from Bennigans
Current time~ 10:16 p.m. EST
Current show on TV~ nothing; I'm relishing the QUIET
Current mobile used~ Cingular
Current windows open~ my work connection
Current underwear~ microfiber briefs from Costco
Current clothes~ cropped denims and a white embroidered tank top
Curent thought~ I have to go finish putting the stuff on my bed away so I can sleep (I took everything out of my closet)

8 Firsts

First nickname~ Lulu
First kiss~ this Brazilian guy, I can't remember his name, but he freaked me out because he french-kissed me and I wasn't expecting that---I was OLD (don't be scandalized) in my 20's... and was NOT prepared
First crush~ 5th grade- John Fusaro---he was a redhead! He dressed up as a spy for Halloween and this was the year "The Spy Who Loved Me" was on the radio!!
First best friend~ Barbara---we were friends from 2nd to 7th grade, then there was a falling out I never quite understood. I need to find her someday and find out what really happened.
First vehicle I drove~ my parents' long black 70s stationwagon
First job~ babysitting but then also my job at the hospital picking up menus from pt rooms
First date~ 18 years old with this guy from college named Rob, blonde, he drove a big black Lincoln Continental---I was terrified of him! Not initially, but that night I was... There was no kiss!
I did go to the Senior Prom the year before but that doesn't count as a date because I took my friend Tony who was 2 years younger than me and practically like a brother (though I was in love with him for a while..)
First pet~ Fluffy---though I think we did have a cat before her when I was littler; I don't remember her name...

7 Lasts

Last drink~ the peach shake that I'm still drinking
Last kiss~ too long to remember--how pitiful, probably a year ago March or so---remember, I'm separated so..
Last meal~ Bennigans with my little guy---smothered chicken, baked potato and broccoli
Last website visited~ Bohemian Girl's and then her big sister's new one
Last movie watched~ Fever Pitch
Last phone call~ My sister at 9:20 returning my earlier call
Last TV Show watched~one of those HGTV shows---House Hunters or something like that

6 Have you evers

Have you ever broken the law~ yes, but only by running a red light when I was 17 outside the Dairy Queen---a very tricky intersection
Have you ever been drunk~ barely. One drink gets me tipsy.
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know~ never
Have you ever been close to gun fire~ no
Have you ever skinny dipped~ no
Have you ever broken anyones heart~ no, but mine has been.

5 Things

5 things you can hear right now~ central air, refrigerator humming, my fingers typing on the keyboard, little guy snoring in his room, me breathing (I'm a mouth breather)
5 things on your bed~ Right now? ALL THE CLOTHES FROM MY CLOSET, nicely folded---normally, sheet, thermal blanket, Pottery Barn quilt
5 things you ate today~ blueberries, strawberries, scrambled eggs, chicken, cheese stick
5 things you can't live without~ my son, my house, my books, my mom, my God
5 things you do when you get bored~ read blogs, shuffle thru my idea file, channel surf, stare into space, cry

4 places you have been today

home
front yard
beach
Bennigans
Toys R Us

3 things on your desk right now

I work at the dining room table: placemats on which sits my laptop, cordless phone, tissues

2 Choices

Black or White~ black
Hot or Cold~ hot

1 place you want to visit

Santa Fe, New Mexico