..................................Friday 5/12/06

It is May.

Actually, it is already May 12. Nearly half the month gone.

I was concerned about May approaching. Simply stated, because May, coming to May, would mean that I had lived alone for a whole year. 365 days.

And so May has come. And what do I know any different about my life than I did before?

Well, as of May 1, I knew nothing new really. I mean, I suppose I do but I'd have to sit with my thoughts long enough to ponder and elicit what thoughts I have. And who has time for that? Not me of course.

At our therapist's session this past Wednesday, it all came to a head. I was sitting there crying, showing my sorry self as waiting for the miracle, the lightning zing, the change of heart---and she (the therapist) said she remembered DH saying outright he did not want to come back.

I guess I missed that.

So now it all begins. The discussions. The decisions. The moving towards The End.

Just what I hoped would not happen has happened. A decision has been made. He does not want to be married to me. He does not want this marriage.

A chapter of my life has ended. Again.

I want to crawl into a hole and sleep for 10 years.